So, when your brother-in-law whom you've fed and housed, counselled and prayed with, unfriends and blocks you on Facebook, it hurts. I know it's just Facebook and it's not real life, but it just...hurts. I didn't think it'd bother me as much as it really does. I just don't understand. Unfriending AND blocking? It seems unnecessary. Was what we replied really that horrible? Um, Adam, no it's not okay to put words in our mouths over and over and think that we hate you. We don't. We're sorry you think that. But...unfriending and blocking? Seems a little extreme.
But really, why do I even care? Why do I care what someone thinks of me if I'm doing what God says I should do. I get so anxious when I feel judged...judged by prissy religious people, judged by my friends, judged by my husband.
What's under that? I'm afraid of making mistakes...being perfect will ensure I am never judged for being not-perfect. Why? Why do I want to be perfect?
I was shamed for making a mistake, being wrong, being imperfect. Affection was withheld when I was in "the doghouse." When I tried to apologize it was "accepted" but then I was lectured at about how I shouldn't have done what I did. No shit Sherlock, that's why I'm apologizing. Solution? Always be right, perfect, never make a mistake. Then I won't get reprimanded and shamed. Be right from the beginning.
Makes sense to me.
