The Black Hole

I wake to a breeze brushing across my face. It is cold and makes goose bumps upon my back and arms. A shiver of anxiety in my throat tells me this isn’t my bed in which I usually wake. I open my eyes and see tall brown grass in each direction for miles and miles. Nothing is familiar and my heart is racing. Normally I know what is going to happen in every situation. Here I have no control, no understanding, no influence over which way to go; how did I get here?

In the distance I see a circle in the grass and it catches my eye and seemingly calls to me. Like a bog, it is lower and darker than its surroundings. I begin to walk toward it with a magnetism pulling me. I am barefoot but the scratchy grass doesn’t make me itch, I barely feel it, as if I am floating across the grass. I arrive to the lowland circle and realize it is a gigantic hole.

I stand at the edge and peer down into the hole. It seems to go on forever; there is no bottom in sight. A strange part of me has an urge to jump because the pit is strangely inviting. I am afraid of the unknown. What will I find down there? There doesn’t seem to be anything here anyway. I look around the edge of the hole. I look to my feet and see smaller jagged rocks and sand. I am not wearing any shoes, but the jagged rock beneath me doesn’t hurt. I feel strangely safe and at peace.

Far away I see a rock pile probably one-hundred feet high. The rocks look like solid marbles stacked upon one another, but marbles that are each a ton in weight. How those rocks got on top of one another, I wonder. No human could be great enough to build a pile such as that. Behind the rocks, the sky is a strange purple, pink and orange, like a sunset, but there is no sun in the sky, no clouds to provide any shade. The sky just is.

A draft of wind pushes my skirt in front of my body and my entire being toward the hole. I hear in the wind a whisper, “Peace. You are loved. You are safe. Face your fear and step forward. This is your next step,” the voice is calm and peaceful. “Be daring, be brave, be courageous,” it continues, “I am your protector. I am your friend. You are loved…you are loved.” It’s like everything else is a blurry sepia in the background. This voice and that black hole in front of me are clear. My eyes begin to tear up, a lump in my throat; this vague feeling that I am unworthy of the kind words being spoken to me. The words are like a healing salve upon me. Like a baby who does not know its mother, but still loves her, that is how this voice relates to me.

Trusting this voice, but full of fear of what I will find on the other side, I lean my body into the hole in what feels like slow motion. I am falling, but to where I don’t know. Someone will be there to catch me. I feel the cool breeze against my face and my skirt flying. My feet are still bare and remnants of the sandy ground are stuck to my toes. I must be taking that with me to wherever I am going.

Falling, falling, falling. It’s dark and there is no one beside me, but somehow I am not afraid because I feel The Voice with me, he whispers, “Come to me, all who are weary, and I will give you rest.” My eyes are still heavy with tears because I know I am loved and protected while stepping out into an unknown place. The sand between my toes reminds me from where I have come; that strange wasteland. I am not afraid of where I will fall because I know I will be caught by Him.

I softly reach the ground and I am in my room, in my bed. This, I remember. I reach out my arm and feel my pillow. The softness of the material is all around me like a baby wrapped in a receiving blanket. My hand touches a form and I recognize it as my husband, next to me now as every night for the last thirteen years. My hand rustles him awake and he snuggles close to me. “You’re back,” he whispers, “I wondered where you’d gone. I missed you.”

I lift my chin to kiss him. Smiling, I say, “I’m glad to be back too.