Unconditional

One of the main places I have felt the love of Christ is in my book club. It wasn't always like this. This book club has been the source of many of my frustrations and pain in the last four years. This is not to say it was caused by the ladies in the group. It is more likely that the pain I have felt radiating from the group is an echo of past legitimate sin against me. Regardless, book club has been very difficult for me. I have been difficult to befriend in this group. I now see that this is a symptom of something very wrong in me--wrong thinking, a lack of bonding, and lots and lots of sadness, and likely some spiritual oppression.

But these ladies have responded with grace. My behavior in the last year should not warrant any concern from them. I have acted out, thrown a fit, and been a major selfish bitch. But I am not condemned, I am forgiven. I get a new start. They seemingly do not remember the bad time. In my religious mind this makes no sense. I should have been kicked out long ago for being contentious and selfish.

But these ladies have responded with Christ's words, not their own. They have not piled on the shame as I have done with myself. And I see Christ more clearly because of them.

I feel unworthy of any kindness or love. But they, and Christ, still give it endlessly and I'm so grateful.