Kindness to my body

What does kindness to my body look like?

My whole life, as long as I can remember, I have hated one part or another of my body. It's too big here, too small there, it's just wrong. Food wasn't for fueling my body, food was an enemy. But sometimes it was a friend, my only friend. Food is what makes my body look wrong, so therefore food is wrong. It can't possibly be that my idea of what is "right" is wrong. No. No. Maybe? Food was a friend, my only friend at times because it was always there for me. It didn't criticize or talk bad to me. It didn't get jealous when I did something better or got chosen for something. It didn't get chosen and leave me feeling left out. It didn't get the cute boy-attention and comforted me when I didn't get the cute boy-attention.

It was there when my friend was in another country, my closest friend moved 5,000 miles away and left me alone in high school with a douchbag boyfriend. Food, you are my friend, my only friend, who won't take something from me that I'm not willing to give freely. But I also hate you. I can't eat you, because then I would get fat. Oh wait, I see a way. I can eat you then feel guilty and throw you up or overexercise. Nobody noticed. NOBODY NOTICED. Nobody said anything. Nobody said, "Addie, stop."

Well, when that friend came home she said something. She's a good friend. But Food, you're better.

How can I "break up" with food, when legitimately I do need it? And legitimately it is a friend? What does a kind relationship with food look like? What does being kind to my body look like?

I think kindness to my body in the area of food looks like eating healthy things, foods that will sustain my energy to manage and have fun with my kids. Food that is a good investment. Food is fuel. Food is fun. My body isn't a garbage can for garbage food.