Kindness to myself

What if kindness to myself is staying off of Facebook?

I have been on Facebook since the beginning almost, because I was in college when it was introduced and only accessible to those with an .edu email address. It has been a daily part of my life for probably about 15 years. But, the last fifteen years have seen a lot of angst. A lot of pride and despair cycling relentlessly. Maybe there is a connection? Maybe Facebook and my personality and past aren't the best combination. I am already prone to compare, judge, and think badly of myself and others. What if staying away from Facebook is being kind to myself AND my friends? What if I am a better friend by being "disconnected" online?

What is the "hook" keeping me from having a healthy relationship with Facebook?

I don't know. I know I can have self control and not log on when I "deactivate" my account but I have a hard time having self control when I'm just avoiding logging in. I think part of that distinction is if I'm not online, no one is tagging me in things and I'm not "missing" things. Well, I am, but I won't have as many notifications when I come back. So, it's because of the notifications? Who cares if I'm being notified? What if it's kindness to myself to no judged myself for why I'm hooked to Facebook?

No, it's because of the notifications. Because I don't want to miss things. Because I don't want other people to know I'm missing things. If I'm deactivated from Facebook, people won't even see me listed as "not responding." When I see people as not responded, I sometimes get offended. Like, "How dare they not even respond!" So, I judge people. I am afraid of being judged if I don't respond on Facebook. It's better if I just don't know what I'm missing, and others can't contact me about it.

I can be a better friend, stay connected and get relevant information in other ways when I'm taking a break from Facebook. That's being kind to myself right now. It makes my brain less scattered.